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Giving Out Your Real (Fake) Name | Dennis Regan | Dry Bar Comedy


You know what I hate now? The stores they always, they want you to join their frequent shopper Club That would be fine, but I don’t want to be in the club, and I don’t want all the questions, you know I’m at Banana Republic getting a couple of things and she’s there. You remember the super shoppers Club? I go no no I don’t want to be. Sign you up real quick you get 20% off all these purchases I don’t want to be in this stupid Club You get 10% off all your future purchases. This is the third time. I’m telling you. I don’t want to be in the club She says we’ll send you emails and tell you about upcoming sales That’s what I told her I said look. I’m wanted in six states I’m a fugitive from justice that’s why I can’t be in the club That’s what I told her. And she said you just gave me your credit card. I said that’s not my credit card How long would I remain at-large? Handing out my actual credit card And at the grocery store supermarket your PIN thing doesn’t work in the deal They want you to yell your phone number out in the middle of the store. That’s not smart. Security, ladies Don’t yell your phone number out in the middle of the grocery store, not if I’m around No, because I’ll call you. I’ll call you up. I called a lady a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, hello. Yeah, this is Dennis Yeah, you probably don’t remember me. Yeah, I was standing behind you in line at the grocery store Yeah, I was wearing a brown shirt, but you were kind of ignoring me But you gave me your phone number Well, you didn’t give it to me specifically, but I was there to catch it Thought I’d give you call and see what’s up, so what’s up? I’d come by your house. I don’t know your address though I can find it on the internet doing a $40 reverse look-up, but I thought you might save me the money I’ll come by and bring you some flowers You know, I don’t know what kind of flowers you like. There’s so much about you I don’t know But I do know your phone number My phone number no. I got that blocked caller ID Yeah, you can not be too careful these days Lot of nut jobs out there. Lot of wack jobs The Starbucks is, what are they asking what my name is for? It’s another business wanna know what my name is Just give me a cup of coffee. I’ll give you nine dollars. We’ll call it a transaction. I know they want to write it on the cup right? That’s the way they operate, but that’s not the way I operate I’ve started doing this, they go, what’s your name? It’s, uh, Glarbsttentenford What is it? It’s Glarbsttentenford It’s spelled just the way it sounds, Glarbsttentenford. The common spelling G-L, A-R-B, S-T, and another T E-N, T-E-N F-O-R-D Glarbsttentenford Some people just call me Glarb for short, but I prefer Glarbsttentenford Glarbsttentenford I recently did that, right, at Starbucks. I didn’t have enough cash, I didn’t have the nine dollars. So I had to use my credit card Which has my real name on there. The guys like, your name is Dennis! You’re not Glarbsttentenford You’re not Glarbsttentenford at all. Why did you say you were? I’m like, yeah, you’re right. Dennis. That’s my given name That is on my birth certificate. I got that when I was born but Glarbsttentenford is my nickname Yeah, I got that when I was a really little kid I got that early on because my sister Peggy was a little baby. She couldn’t pronounce Dennis And it just came out it came out Glarbsttentenford And ever since said that what everybody calls me my nephews, they called me Uncle Glarbsttentenford I kind of like it. One thing, I don’t like is I can’t find a key chain with the name Glarbsttentenford on there Or a Mini license plate from my bicycle Subscribe to Dry Bar Comedy for even more of the world’s largest collection of clean comedy=)

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