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Eli Roth’s Restaurant Dogs | Funny Short Film | Crypt TV


– Why can’t I get a chocolate milkshake? – We don’t have any milkshakes,
I can get you coffee, I can get you tea, I can get you soda. – All I want’s a chocolate milkshake. – We don’t have any milkshakes. – What are you, the manager? Give me the supervisor. – He’s not in. – How about the king,
can I speak to the king? – You wanna talk to the king? – I came to a Burger King,
I wanna see the king. – Fine. (ominous music) – [King] Who are you? – I… I just. – [King] Kneel! Begin. – Look, all I wanted was
a chocolate milkshake. And I walked in and I spoke to the lady and she says, there’s no milkshakes. So I said, let me speak to the manager. The manager says, there’s no milkshakes. So I said, let me speak to the king, can I speak to the king? Cause I wanted to know what’s wrong. What’s wrong? – [King] You want to know what’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong. (“Little Green Bag”) ♫ Looking back on the track ♫ For a little green bag ♫ Gotta find just a kind of losing my mind ♫ Out of sight in the night ♫ Out of sight of the day ♫ Looking back on the track ♫ Gonna do it my way ♫ Out of sight in the night ♫ Out of sight in the day ♫ Looking back on the track ♫ Gonna do it my way ♫ Looking back ♫ Looking for some happiness – [King] Ronald McDonald has kidnapped my daughter, the Dairy Queen. She provides dairy products
for the entire kingdom. – [All] Banzai! – [King] Ronald plans to milk her dry and then chop her into hamburger meat. He slaughtered my entire army, now there’s no one left to save her. (evil cackle) – I’ll save the Dairy Queen. I’ll restore dairy products
to the whole kingdom. I’ll do anything for little Dairy. – Fuck the king! Fuck the king! I’m the king now, you understand me? I’m the king! – Hey Ronald, you want some milk? – No thank you, I’m lactose intolerant. (cow mooing) – Ladies and gentlemen,
I bring you, the mayor. (speaking in German) – Hey McCheese! Take this! (upbeat music) – Oh no! Why me? Oh no, oh, help me… Why… (beeping) (wincing) (explosions) – Take care. (dramatic music) – No! – Take care. – Move it, you fat cow
bitch, back up, move it! – Get down, get down! – Who are you, what are you doing here? – Hand me the Dairy Queen,
that’s all we want here. – You ever seen somebody
slit with his back, it ain’t pretty, pal! She’s gonna be one unhappy milk! – What’s wrong with you? This is the land of
liberty, justice, freedom and you’re a crazy
clown, that’s not right! What’s burning you inside, Ronald? Let me help you, I wanna help
you, Ronald, what’s wrong? – I don’t wanna be the clown anymore. I’m sick of being the clown. I don’t wanna be the clown
any more, I’m sick of it. Get back! (screaming) – Oh, my hero! – [King] You’ve saved my daughter and I give you her hand in marriage. (classical music) – Oh queen, oh come on, oh! (groovy music) Come to mummy, come to daddy! – Wake up! Wake up! Hey yeah, you. You were saying? – Well I saved the Dairy Queen, stop Ronald from a massive killing spree and brought dairy products
back to the Burger King. Now I’m manager. – And you didn’t have the help
of Blackstone the magician. – Funny thing about magic, Rayshon, you love it when you’re eight, you’ll love it when you’re 80. – Mr. Palcous, I’m only 16. – Give it time, Champ. Give it time, you’re still a youngin. You gotta remember, fellas. When you’re working at Burger King, you’re not just serving customers. You’re actually serving the king. – [Both] Yeah, the king. – Enjoy your lunch break, boys. Take care. – Okay, Mr. Palcous,
we’ll get right on it. – Thinking about the
story he just told us. – I know, just like, the biggest
lie, you’ve ever really… – As if that really happened. – I know, what a little loser. Like, that grimace guy. – Yeah, that’s right,
like there was a grimace. – There’s no such thing
and the hamburgalar thing and the Mayor McCheese or whatever. He just knocked off his head. Like, yeah okay, I do that everyday. I figured if you’re gonna lie to people, make it a better story, right? – Think about that story. – Such a stupid story. You know, you make up a story,
it’s gotta be something real like robots. – Gotta be credible. – Yeah, stuff like that. – I don’t believe a word he said and second of all, how’s he
gonna do it without a shovel? – I know, you have to have
a shovel, I have a shovel. – Shovel needs to be had. – Five years from now,
you wanna be like that? – That’s really sad. Five years and I’ll think
about what he’s gonna be. Right where he is now, don’t know about you but I’m
getting out of this joint. – If I’m here five years and I’m the manager, you shoot me okay? – [Narrator] Watch new scary bits every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

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